| 12th November 2003 - 01:16:46 AM |
| 5684 : Fagbusters |
| SHOWBIZ PIZZA IS WHERE PARENTS TAKE THEIR CHILDREN TO GET RAPED BY A GIGANTIC BEAR NAMED BILLY BOB. |
| 12th November 2003 - 01:27:22 AM |
| 5685 : Kurt Steinberg |
| Check out this article about Diamond (located at http://www.benladner.com/indepth/feature/040303_screech.html): Eagle Nights Director Shwa Losben opened tonight’s act by actor and comedian Dustin Diamond, formerly known as ‘Screech’ from the popular 90’s comedy show “Saved by the Bell.” Diamond then talked for an hour about his days as a child star, interlacing it with comedy and complaints of being typecast. Diamond started his Wednesday night set by lifting up his shirt and exposing his nipple ring, not only to set the tone for the night, but also to break down the nostalgia that brought many to see the former star. Michelle Abbott, KSB ’03, thought Diamond was past his prime. “I was waiting for a friend to get a Jamba Juice. I think he was trying to make jokes, but no one was really listening. I think everyone was just there to stare and go, ‘wow, that guy's career is washed up.’ Although I did hear one girl say to her friend, I think he's hot. I had to resist the urge to slap the dumbass out of her. And so, my friend got her Jamba Juice, we pointed and laughed, and then we left.” Generally rude and somewhat shocking to the audience, Screech was profane and reveled in the crowd’s reaction to his use of the word “fuck.” Diamond was also vocal in his emphasis on the “fortune” part of Hollywood, saying that his days of seeking “fame” were long gone. He told the crowd of approximately 250 that filled the Tavern that he was doing work only for the money these days, and that he had been paid 0,000 for his appearance on Celebrity Boxing, ,000 for Celebrity Dating but would not disclose the amount he was paid for his Eagle Nights appearance. “I thought he sucked. I wasn’t entertained by the comic stylings of Dustin Diamond. I don’t find jokes about drunk driving or the war very truthful or funny,” senor Jeff Cox said. “However, it’s by far the most people I’ve seen at any Eagle Nights event this year.” “He definitely lived up to his disclosure he offered at the beginning of his performance in which he said "'fuck off' to any one who might be offended by his comments, I walked out after 10 minutes it was so horrible and unentertaining,” said SPA freshman Stephanie Metkus. Generally avoiding politics, Diamond still asked the crowd how many of them supported the war in Iraq, and how many “thought it should never have happened.” Diamond also talked about “the truth” and said that most who were unhappy with what was being said were those who disliked hearing what was happening. He offered a physics example of his microphone falling and said that “no matter whether you wanted it to fall, it still was going to, so just accept it.” Part of Diamond's act was a running dialogue about typecasting, as he complained that he should not be punished as an actor for having a successful comedy show for ten years. He said that, unlike comics like Will Ferrell, formerly of Saturday Night Live who had many different characters, people only knew him as ‘Screech.’ Diamond seemed to make a concerted effort to break that image from the minds of those present. This stood in contrast wiith his embrace of the 'Screech' image after the show by selling Saved by the Bell scripts and making a segregated line to meet him, where paying people were allowed preference. Diamond charged for signed polaroids. “I thought it was interesting, I didn’t know what to expect,” current SC Secretary Patrick Elliott said. “I knew he wouldn’t come out acting like Screech, a 27 year old certainly couldn't pull off the prepubescent annoying kid role. His routine was just alright. It was cool to see the guy, but I was not that entertained... so I left early. As someone who enjoys standup and the art of comedy, I realize that comedy is just a disguised social critique, but he forgot to disguise it and well, at times, make it funny. His act would have been better if he had disguised his social critiques in, well, jokes. Not make a stupid joke and then say ‘I think this and that is wrong with the world.’“ Diamond also got into the crude, where self-deprecating humor met up with his crudeness, leading into a discussion to his sex life and penis size. ‘Screech’ defined himself as being an inch long and three inches think, and described his sex life as a marshmallow trying to fit into a piggy bank. Upon questioning, Diamond said his male organ was “like a pink tuna fish can.” His comments were met with groans of disgust from the audience. His self-deprecating humor, however, did not stop Diamond from pursuing females in the audience, “He asked me my name, I thought just for the autograph. He signed his name and asked me if I knew where Adams Morgan was. I said yes and he said he’d be there later. I asked where in Adams Morgan and he said he thought it was a place. I told him it was an area with lots of hangouts and then he gave me his cell phone number and told me to call him later to find out where it was,” said Mary, a student who wished not to be embarrassed by being hit on by Diamond. “Now I know how Lisa Turtle and Kelly Kapowski felt like everyday.” The crowd of students was seemingly not very involved with Diamond, and many were seen leaving during the act. The crowd also had several hecklers that taunted Diamond during his performance. Several students also shouted out questions during his lines. A brawl almost ensued when a member of the audience asked “when did you stop being funny?” Diamond told the student that he was a “pussy” for saying that from the back of the room and not to his face on stage. The student then proceeded towards the stage. The brawl was avoided when the student was held back by Student Confederation Vice President Zen Hunter-Ishikawa and Diamond’s manager. ‘Screech’ taunted the student afterwards, calling him a “puss.” Afterwards, ATV News, AU’s closed campus television station, tried to get some footage of ‘Screech’ for their program. They were reprimanded by Eagle Nights Director Shwa Losben and Assistant Director Caroline Poteat for what was described as a contract between the University and Dustin Diamond concerning the copyright to his images and video. They explained that still photographs were allowed, but any other recording was allowed. There were no posted prohibitions and the legal basis of this claim was non-existent due to the non commercial intent of ATV’s use of any Diamond images. “I mean, this is a guy who is basically our age and people are flipping out over a contract, come on, seriously, it’s just ‘Screech,’ said ATV News Manager Carrie Rainen. “I guess I’m not mad at ‘Screech’ as much as I am at the people who set this up. They’re denying any request for us to interview or film him, it’s incredibly obnoxious.” Student Activities Assistant Tracy Florence spoke to the ATV News cameramen, Jon Wood and Carrie Rainen about not filming ‘Screech.’ She asked them not to pursue the matter lest Public Safety intervene and that she would be willing to discuss the matter later. Florence said that the contractual agreement between the University and Diamond mandated no video footage. Florence was unwilling to show ATV the contract she was citing. Rainen told BenLadner.com that they had gotten a few seconds of Diamond footage before being blocked, and that may have been enough for their purposes. ATV Cameraman Brad Burns, an SOC student, said that he was told “taping would be considered a breach of the contract they had with Diamond. It was ridiculous, it’s not illegal to tape someone, and this guy is not the caliber of star to command such a restrictive contract. When was the last time you saw this guy on TV? He’s a Saturday morning TV star. I guess, if anything, I feel bad for him.” Diamond was reticent to give a quote to BenLadner.com as well, “I can’t give a quote without checking with my manager,” ‘Screech’ said to Benladner.com. Diamond’s manager, who was present, said that “We’re not doing interviews.” When pressed further for a quote, Diamond said that he would only tell the campus community “don’t do drugs and don’t drink and drive.” Eagle Nights announced they would be holding their next function next Wednesday: dodgeball in Bender Arena. |
| 12th November 2003 - 03:48:14 AM |
| 5686 : Fagbusters |
| AWESOME. |
| 12th November 2003 - 05:58:09 AM |
| 5687 : Leaky Ass Queer |
| Great find Kurt, poor Diamond seems to be having a tough time in front of straight audiences doesn't he? Imagine how well the comments about his "pink tuna fish can" would have gone down in front of an all-homo crowd! If I'd have been at that show I would've definitely asked him to show us his hot pink fishy can! |
| 12th November 2003 - 06:58:24 AM |
| 5688 : Body jewelry |
| body jewelry |
| 12th November 2003 - 08:11:09 AM |
| 5689 : Gwando |
| "The lessons go on and on. There is the time where he is sad because he can't find a girl, so Zack makes up a secret admirer, and ultimately ends up dressing up as a girl and going on a date with him. These are lessons that cannot be derived from ones day to day life" My ultimate fantasy. Thanks for the links, Kurt, great tossing material and conclusive proof that Diamond is full on homo- how many straight men do you know with nipple rings? |
| 12th November 2003 - 10:27:27 AM |
| 5690 : Kurt Steinberg |
| Gwando, I found more masturbation material!!! This article contains a couple more pictures of Diamond: http://www.stoutonia.uwstout.edu/2001-2002/Stories/010927/et_01.html - Kurt Steinberg |
| 12th November 2003 - 10:33:08 AM |
| 5691 : Kurt Steinberg |
| Ron Jeremy (message 5671), I will eat your ass if you tape a picture of Diamond to the back of your ass! Cut a hole where Diamond's mouth is on the picture and line it up with your asshole! When I toss your salad, it will seem as though I'm French-kissing Diamond! Afterward, I will take a dump in your mouth and ass-slam you! - Kurt Steinberg |
| 12th November 2003 - 11:15:38 AM |
| 5692 : Johnny Suckmycock |
| And when the bell rang, i ran home in a hurry, to catch the fish |
| 12th November 2003 - 12:37:44 PM |
| 5693 : Gwando |
| If you ever find that for some reason you can't get a hard on, take a look at the two pictures at the top of this link http://www.wasteoftechnology.com/motw39.shtml anyone you has a fantasy involving police officers should particularly take a look. Print it out and keep it close to your crotch, you'll never be flacid again! |
| 12th November 2003 - 01:26:37 PM |
| 5694 : Mungo Jerry |
| DIAMOND YOU FUCK UP. I AM GOING TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND BUTTFUCK YOUR DAD, YOU FUCKING RETARDED CUNTSCRAPE. WHEN I HAVE FINISHED WITH YOUR DAD, I WILL THEN MAKE MY WAY DOWN INTO THE KITCHEN, WHERE I WILL THEN BEGIN TO FIST YOUR DOG. AND THEN WHEN I FIND YOU I AM GOING TO SHAFT YOU RIGHT UP YOUR SLACK AS FUCK SHITTER! COS I RECKON I WONT BE THE FIRST PERSON TO ASSFUCK YOU. YOU FUCKING MONGOLISM! |
| 12th November 2003 - 03:08:12 PM |
| 5695 : Remember when... |
| Hey Screech, remember that SbtB episode that guest starred that chick who used to play Punky Brewster? Remember how you came up with a special spaghetti sauce and said it was a super secret homemade recipe and marketed it at the school and it became a hit? Remember how you & Zack stole all of those glass jars meant for the science classes and used the school facilities to manufacture & package your sauce? Remember how Punky Brewster & her bursting set of 36DDs started taking advantage of you and had you spend enormous amounts of your newfound income on her? Remember how weird she thought it was when you bought her that black strapon dildo with a diamond stud on the tip and you told her it was a present for the "both of us"? Remember how Mr. Belding found out about you stealing the glass jars and using the school facilities to make your sauce so he had you pay it all off by having you "eat his sauce" every day in his office around lunchtime, as well as also having you make him spaghetti for dinner every night for the following three months? Remember how much he loved your spaghetti sauce that you "personally prepared" just for him and complimented you every time he ate it? Remember how puzzled he was when, every morning for those three months, he kept finding crusty sesame seeds matted into his graying pubic hair after having unprotected buttsex with you the night before? Remember how you pulled one over on Belding because he never found out that your sauce's secret ingredient was your chunky, sesame seed filled diarrhea? |
| 12th November 2003 - 04:34:27 PM |
| 5696 : whata |
| Whoever made this site 'in no way affiliated with Dustin Diamond' is a sell out. Please put it back to how it was. Wasn't it funny when people thought it was his real site? |
| 12th November 2003 - 05:29:18 PM |
| 5697 : Pozzer |
| Don't you get it? This IS Diamond's real home page, he just has to distance himself from it so that he can still get bookings. Diamond is as gay as a donut, as camp as a window, that much is obvious, but his online presence has to be camouflaged to protect his career. We know the truth - Diamond is a shrub rocketeer, an uphill gardner, a train driver on the Earl Grey express. Believe. |
| 12th November 2003 - 06:36:25 PM |
| 5698 : Leaky Ass Queer |
| Diamond, Pozzer (message 5697) is correct. You're a slot badger. You're a two pin din plug. You're a bush dodger. You're a small bean regarder. You're a unabummer. You're a nut administrator. You're a bent referee. You're The Crazy World of Arthur Brown. You're a fence vole. You're a free willy. You're a chimney bottler. You're a bunty man. Stop hiding and give yourself up to us. |
| 12th November 2003 - 06:49:37 PM |
| 5699 : Leaky Ass Queer |
| Remember When guy, you're a genius. Thanks again for posting, I was literally pissing all over myself as I tossed my own salad to your story. Amazing. |
| 12th November 2003 - 09:36:45 PM |
| 5700 : Fagbusters |
| YOU'RE A FUCKING MONGOLISM, YOU MONGOLOID DEUTSCHBAG! |
| 13th November 2003 - 12:30:52 AM |
| 5701 : Remember when... |
| Hey Diamond, remember when you used to have a steady paycheck??? Remember when you weren't a complete joke??? |
| 13th November 2003 - 01:11:51 AM |
| 5702 : Kurt Steinberg |
| "Remember when" guy, do you remember the episode where Zack made the subliminal tapes? One of his tapes was played over the PA system and then a bunch of girls and SLATER each placed wooden hearts around Zack's neck. That's an episode you should recap for us! As I recall, Screech was so jealous when Slater placed his heart around Zack's neck that he sprayed diarrhea all over his rainbow-colored pants! whata (message 5696), I also thought it was really funny when everyone thought that this was Diamond's real website! It was great when everyone thought that Diamond spelled like a complete retard! Oh well, at this this guestbook is still being maintained! Where else would Diamond's fans be able to exchange queer fantasies about Diamond? - Kurt Steinberg |
| 13th November 2003 - 01:42:12 AM |
| 5703 : Fagbusters |
| I THINK THAT SCREECH AND KELLY SHARED ALL THEIR CLOTHES ON THE SHOW. CROSS-DRESSING FRUITCAKE FILTH. |